


The Old Razzle Dazzle

by TipsyRaconteur



Series: The Old Razzle Dazzle [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Biting, Dirty Talk, Drag Queens, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Kakashi in drag, no i'm not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-07-23 09:09:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16155995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TipsyRaconteur/pseuds/TipsyRaconteur
Summary: "Give me one good reason I should wear a dress." In which Kakashi and Sakura go on a very entertaining mission. Originally posted on Tumblr.





	1. Razzle Dazzle 'Em

**Author's Note:**

> This story is the result of a prompt from Nyxako, who also beta'd because she's fucking awesome. These chapters will be short, as they originally appeared on Tumblr. (You can follow me on Tumblr at tipsyraconteur!)

“Give me one good reason I should wear a dress.”

Sakura watched Kakashi’s shapely lips as he spoke, unable to stop herself from staring. Seeing him without his mask was enough to drive her to distraction; having him sit in front of her in a hotel room in nothing but his black pants was blowing her mind. She’d privately guessed that he was good-looking, but she’d never expected him to be gorgeous.

Today, she was going to make him _beautiful_. And if it meant she got to touch her former sensei way more than she’d ever had opportunity to do before, well, that was just a perk.

“Stop talking,” she fussed, focusing once more on applying the bright crimson shade to his lips. She’d already applied a good layer of foundation, along with the concealer that hid his scar and tattoo. “Besides, you know why. If we’re going to have any chance of attaining the information we need, we’re going to need to get backstage, and you’re the only hope we have of doing that.” Pulling back to survey her work, she mimed smacking her lips together. “Go like this.”

Kakashi pressed his lips together and released them with a pop, which made her giggle, which made him scowl. “That doesn’t mean I have to wear a dress. I could wear… a pantsuit, or something.”

That just made her giggle again. “You’re infiltrating a drag club, not running for office.” When he didn’t respond with anything besides a sulky pout—which made his lips look even better, damn him—she grinned at him and continued. “You know, you _did_ ask Naruto for an assignment. This is kind of your fault.”

“This is not the kind of assignment I had in mind,” he groused, muttering something under his breath about ‘ungrateful brats’. His eyes narrowed, the action rendered more dramatic by the thick false eyelashes he wore, which caused Sakura to (badly) suppress a snicker. “You didn’t have anything to do with this, did you?”

“Absolutely not, Kakashi-sensei,” Sakura quickly insisted. He didn’t need to know that Naruto’s plan had originally been for Sakura to infiltrate as a make-up artist with Kakashi waiting outside as backup, just like he didn’t need to know about the devious look that Naruto had gotten when Sakura had suggested a different idea. She had made Naruto swear that he would never tell, and he’d promised he wouldn’t, as long as she gave him all of the details.

Clapping her hands together, she changed the subject, hoping he would follow suit. “Your make-up looks fantastic. Time for the dress, and then your wig. I put everything you need in the bathroom. Do you need me to help you with the bra and inserts? They can be a little—”

Kakashi cut her off with a rather loud groan as he made his way to the bathroom. “Please don’t make this worse by talking about it. I know how a bra works, I think I can handle it from here.”

“Okay. You did remember to shave everything, right? The hose is pretty sheer, and I don’t know if it’ll cover—” Sakura was once again cut off as the bathroom door slammed, practically in her face. Rather than being offended, she had to clap her hands over her mouth to smother another peal of laughter. Naruto was going to fucking _die_ when she reported everything back to him.

Snapping back to attention, Sakura set about getting herself ready for the evening. While Kakashi infiltrated the actual business and entertainment side of the club, Sakura would be going in as a customer to provide back-up, just in case. She quickly put on her own dress and make-up while amusedly listening to the occasional thumps and curses coming from the bathroom. She couldn’t wait to tell Naruto that Kakashi had a vocabulary that could blister paint, that apparently only came out when he was trying to put on pantyhose.

Right around the time she was looking at herself in the mirror and verifying that she did, indeed, look good, the bathroom door opened and a sullen Kakashi slouched out, his poor posture doing very little to make his shimmering red dress look good. Turning, Sakura said, “Stand up straight. Not like that, you look like you’re going to hit someone. Stick out your boo—uh, your chest.”

His expression grew more thunderous, but he did as she asked. Sakura smiled to herself as she let her eyes travel over his form, stopping when she noticed how his smooth abdomen led to the lack of a bulge of any kind. That was new. Not that she’d ever checked out his crotch before… that would be wrong.

Noticing her stare, Kakashi narrowed his glitter-enhanced eyes and ground out, “What.”

 _Don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it_ , Sakura’s brain tried to tell her, but biting her lip only barely managed to stifle her laugh before she finally blurted, “What did you do with it?”

“Sakura,” he growled, his voice a warning, and she burst into full-blown laughter this time.

“You’re right, you’re right, I don’t want to know,” she said between a few unladylike snorts. Moving to the hotel room’s modest vanity, she patted the seat in front of it. “Come on, let’s get your wig on.”

After watching him sit on the small upholstered stool, Sakura picked up the wig cap she’d laid on the vanity and began to put it on Kakashi, using her fingers to tuck strands of his unruly hair beneath it. When the pads of her fingers lightly brushed the nape of his neck, he let out a strangled sound that sounded an awful lot like a giggle. Grinning, Sakura did it again, and his strangled sound was accompanied by him uncomfortably shifting on the seat.

“You’re doing that on purpose,” he growled.

“Yup,” Sakura answered unrepentantly. “Oh, and could you maybe make your voice a little higher? You have to work on your character.”

Glaring at her with eyes that could melt steel, he said again, this time in a higher voice, “You’re doing that on purpose.” When her grin only widened, he added, in the same high voice, “And you can go fuck yourself.”

He looked unimpressed as she started laughing again, her cheeks glowing, her pulse slightly elevated. It’s not like she was getting off on dressing Kakashi in drag against his will; it’s just that the situation seemed to have thrown him off enough that he was treating her like more of a peer, instead of just his former student. Although she doubted he looked at her in any way near to the way she’d begun to look at him, it was nice to be treated like an equal.

Also, she was getting off on dressing Kakashi in drag against his will.

“Okay, almost done. Now for the wig,” Sakura sang perkily, setting about her task. The wig she’d chosen was a mass of jet-black curls that contrasted with his skin and made it glow. When she was finished, she stepped back and looked at him in the mirror, her eyes dancing with excitement. “Get up and give the shoes a try now.”

With the kind of sigh a man makes on his way to the gallows, Kakashi stood and walked over to the red sparkly heels she’d picked out for him. Flashing her another glare, he walked the length of the hotel room, and her jaw dropped.

“How the hell do you know how to walk in heels?” she demanded.

Walking back toward the mirror, Kakashi absently answered, “One time, Anko said that no man could ever handle running in heels, and Gai took it as a challenge and bet me—” Pausing, as if just then realizing what he was about to reveal, he glared at her again in the mirror. “You know, you don’t need to know the answer to that question.”

She’d been expecting him to say something about how graceful ninja are required to be. This was just getting better and better. Studying him from the back this time, Sakura couldn’t help but notice how nice the view was. Sure, she may have noticed— _innocently_ noticed—that he had quite a nice backside one or two times in the past. But she’d never seen it draped in red, sparkly, gauzy fabric before. It looked _amazing_. She was actually kind of jealous.

“See something you like, Sakura?” Kakashi teased in a suddenly syrupy voice, his voice rising a little higher as he purred, “Questioning your sexuality, maybe?”

For the second time that evening, her jaw dropped, her cheeks burning. Apparently, he’d decided to embrace the situation and return fire. “You’re enjoying this,” she accused.

“Just getting into character, darling,” he drawled, tossing his ebony curls over one shoulder. Sakura’s eyes were as big as saucers. What the hell was happening?

Turning, Kakashi smirked at her agog expression and patted her on the head, his voice briefly returning to normal. “Anything worth doing is worth doing right. Besides…” he paused, leaning in until his lips were by her ear, causing her to shiver. “If you tell anyone about this, they’ll never find your body.”

Straightening, he gave her a sparkly wink that only made her blush further as he added, back in his character voice, “Come on, sweetheart, it’s showtime.”

Once more tossing his hair over his shoulder, Kakashi strode out of the room without a backward glance. Blinking owlishly at him, Sakura stood for one long dumbfounded moment before she grabbed her purse and scrambled after him.

There was no way she was going to miss this.


	2. The Old Hocus Pocus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should have been mentioned in the first chapter, but this story takes its title (and its chapter titles) from the song of the same name from the musical Chicago. Regarding Kakashi and Sakura’s mission names, Hara Setsuko was a real Japanese golden age actress who really was known as “The Eternal Virgin”, and Momo means “peach”.

Sakura sighed and swirled the ice in her drink for what felt like the hundredth time, considering the technicolor concoction before her. It had been fifteen minutes since she and Kakashi had parted ways outside of the drag club, during which time she’d gone inside, picked a stool at the bar that would allow her to survey the area, and ordered a drink. She'd asked for something fruity and nonalcoholic, and the rainbow-draped drag queen behind the bar seemed to take it as a personal challenge, taking a full five minutes to create something that seemed like a cross between a smoothie and one of those drinks you serve in a pineapple. She was glad for the straw, because the rim of the glass was so crowded with fruit garnish and little paper umbrellas that you could barely see it. All in all, it was a pretty loud drink—but she was in a pretty loud place.

Turning on her stool at the bar, Sakura surveyed the rest of the club. It was lit with strobing colored lights, streaks of magenta and turquoise hanging in the smoky air as the deep thump of bass issued from hidden speakers. The main feature was the stage, broad at the back with a narrow catwalk that jutted out into a small sea of chairs and tables. It was about forty-five minutes before the first show began, so the other customers who had come early milled about, laughing and drinking and talking with the handful of drag queens who roamed the club.

None of that was of any interest to Sakura, though. What _was_ interesting were the two doors on either side of the stage. The door on the left opened and closed frequently as various drag queens walked in and out and appeared to lead to a backstage area. The door on the right, however, stayed closed—and Sakura would bet her right arm that the man who stood in front of it was a missing nin. A very dangerous-looking one whose chakra she could feel from where she sat. How the hell had a little rinky-dink club like this managed to afford such a high-level ninja?

That was what they were there to find out. They’d been hired by a former headliner of the club who’d been kicked out when she started snooping around as to why the owner was so flush with money. For her own reasons—Sakura assumed those had something to do with wanting the club for herself—she’d used her own funds to hire shinobi to get to the bottom of things.

Sakura had to hold back a relieved smile as she saw Kakashi walk out of the door to the left of the stage. She hadn't seen him since they'd parted on the rooftops outside of the club; from there, she'd entered the club on her own as a patron, while Kakashi had gone to enter from the staff entrance. Since it had been a quarter hour since then, she assumed he'd completed a cursory inspection of the backstage area.

Currently, he was walking arm-in-arm with a very tall queen who wore a huge wig of glossy brunette hair. They were both chatting loudly with each other and the patrons that they passed, their laughter ringing loudly over the music. Sakura suppressed a smile; the bawdy laughter that came out of Kakashi now was so different from the dulcet little giggles he made when he read Icha Icha, or the lower, velvet laugh that came out rarely when something really amused him. Sakura straightened in her seat as the loud pair approached the bar and, therefore, her.

"Well put me in pigtails and spank me silly, do you have _pink hair?_ " The queen who held Kakashi's arm yanked on it, pulling him closer to stage-whisper: "Do you think the carpet matches the drapes, Setsuko?"

Kakashi—who had chosen the name Setsuko, apparently—raised one long-fingered hand and tittered behind it. "You're so _rude_. Be nice. I like her. She looks like a flower," Kakashi purred, sidling up beside Sakura. He reached up and tweaked a strand of her hair. "Besides, this hair is too beautiful to be anything but natural." Kakashi's eyes were twinkling at her, and she couldn't stop the heat that rose to her face as he said in a slightly softer voice, "What's your name, gorgeous?"

"Momo," she said with a smile that was shyer than she'd intended—he was just so _close_.

"Well of course it is, my little peach," Kakashi cooed as he tweaked her chin, and Sakura couldn't hold in a grin. "I've decided to keep this one, you can go away now," he continued imperiously, waving the other queen off, his sparkly false nails glinting in the light. After a few loud huffs, some eye rolls, and a dramatic "Well, I never", Kakashi’s fellow queen got distracted by another patron and loudly called out a greeting as she moved away from them.

"Momo?" Kakashi murmured, his lips twitching.

"Setsuko?” she countered. “Like the actress?" Sakura was really grinning now. Hara Setsuko was a very innocent-looking actress who was known as 'The Eternal Virgin'.

"She has an air of purity, just like me," Kakashi sniffed.

Sakura didn't bother to hide her laugh—after all, she was a patron who was supposed to be having fun. Kakashi joined her, again using that boisterous laugh that would sound ridiculous to anyone who actually knew him but seemed to fit ‘Setsuko’ perfectly. He leaned closer to her, and her breath caught in her throat. He gave her what she really hoped was _not_ a knowing look before he murmured, "Second nin at the back door. He was suspicious that I didn't get dressed here." Sakura hid a frown. Hiring _two_ missing nin was not only extraordinarily expensive for such a small club, it was also just unnecessary. What were they hiding?

"Oh, _stop_ it! You are so bad!" Sakura squealed, slapping his shoulder as if he'd just whispered something salacious to her. She was slightly relieved when he leaned back with the motion, because underneath the smell of makeup and fake hair, she could smell a masculine scent that was way too distracting.

“I need a distraction,” he said, still quietly enough so that only she could hear. He paused for a moment, and an apologetic look briefly crossed his face before he loudly proclaimed, "Like I could ever resist flirting with _a real Konoha kunoichi!_ "

Holding in the death glare she most desperately wanted to skewer him with, Sakura giggled and playfully pushed him again, although maybe a little harder than the last time. She didn't miss the dangerous-looking nin move away from the door and toward them, having obviously heard what Kakashi said. As Kakashi babbled away about how impressive kunoichi were, Sakura watched the nin speak to another queen, who then disappeared behind the door to the left. Sakura assumed that he was summoning the other missing nin who was posted at the rear door and inwardly sighed before brightly saying, "Well if I'm so impressive, can I get a kiss?" and pointing to her cheek.

As Kakashi flamboyantly grabbed her and pulled her close, she growled softly into his ear, "I hate you. You'd better be fast." The sound of his quiet, low chuckle sent a shiver down her spine. She knew it—he really _was_ enjoying this.

Kakashi laid a loud smooch on her cheek and was starting to crow about how soft her skin was when the hired nin loudly cleared his throat behind him. Popping up as if he were surprised, Kakashi turned—no, _twirled_ —and scolded, " _Darling_ , you scared me! I'm going to have to put a bell on you!"

The nin barely spared a glance toward Kakashi before he bit out, "Leave us. I want to talk to the _kunoichi,"_ the sneer that crossed his face insinuating that he probably didn't think much of her ability to fight. The way his eyes traveled over her body did suggest, however, that he thought she would be good for other things.

Sakura smiled. That suited her just fine. Kakashi, meanwhile, was pouting and sulking about "hulking goons who steal all the pretty pink-haired girls" as he slinked away... this time, toward the door to the right of the stage.

When the nin started to watch the grumbling Kakashi walk away, frowning at his tone, Sakura distracted him by leaning forward and sliding her hand into his. He jerked his head back toward her, blinking as his eyes immediately honed in on her cleavage—perfect. He was going to be easy to manipulate. Sakura gave him her best smile. "Well, now you've got me all to yourself… I’m Momo."

The man put his other hand on the bar, drawing himself close to her, having at least temporarily forgotten that he was supposed to be suspicious. Sakura fought the urge to lean back and swallowed a sigh, silently promising herself that she’d make Kakashi wear those heels all the way home if he wasn’t back before this idiot tried to put his hands on her.


	3. An Act With Lots of Flash In It

"You're chunin?" Sakura said in an admiring voice. "I never progressed past genin, that's so impressive," she lied. Chunin? This was going to be disappointingly easy. "I bet you both know all sorts of moves that I've never seen," she added in a suggestive purr.

It had been over ten minutes since Kakashi had disappeared backstage, and Sakura now had both of the club's hired nin on either side of her. The first, Jin, hadn't taken his eyes off of her breasts since they'd started talking, and had been pathetically easy to manipulate. The second, who’d begrudgingly told her his name was Asao, was fairly suspicious and resistant at first, but as she’d persisted in charming him, he’d begun to show his interest.

"It looks like you're already busy with _Jin's_ moves," Asao responded in an unmistakably jealous tone.

She held back a smile, knowing she had him. Jin's hand was on her hip and sliding upward, which she stopped under the pretext of weaving her fingers with his. While he leaned in and took a deep breath of her hair like the world-class creeper he was, Sakura focused on Asao and moistened her lips with her tongue before huskily murmuring, "Oh, I think I can handle both of you."

Asao's eyes darkened as his eyes trailed over her form and he got closer to her. "That sounds good to me."

From the corner of her eye, Sakura saw Kakashi slip out of the door to the right of the stage, and a wave of relief washed over her, followed by a bit of irritation. Sure, he had to dress in drag for the mission, but at least he hadn't had to be pawed by some creeps while he offered them a threesome.

Her irritation vanished, however, when she noticed that his wig was mussed and one of his dress straps was hanging off his shoulder. This distracted her enough that she didn't even notice Jin's hand on her knee until he was already moving it up to her inner thigh. From across the room, Kakashi's eyes homed it on her, dropped to where Jin's hand was sliding under her skirt, and then narrowed.

Sakura had raised her hand to put a stop to Jin's exploration, but a puff of displaced air hit her face and his hand was suddenly gone. Kakashi—who had just flashstepped over, looking spectacularly sparkly—had Jin's arm twisted behind his back. His other hand had him by the hair, and in a dark voice Kakashi snarled, "Hands to yourself, _darling_ ," before smashing Jin’s face into the bar.

Asao gaped at Kakashi. "What the f—”

Sakura cut him off by punching him in the jaw. She had no idea what was going on, but if Kakashi was fighting, then she was fighting too.

As Asao flew back and landed on his ass, Jin recovered enough to throw an elbow back toward Kakashi's gut. Kakashi easily evaded, but that gave Jin enough room to grab a bar stool and swing it at him. As he leapt into the air to avoid the stool, Kakashi's slitted skirt fell almost to his hips, revealing well-muscled legs that shimmered slightly thanks to the pantyhose he was wearing. Sakura couldn't help but stare as he spun, false ebony curls flying, into a beautiful kick that collided with the side of Jin's head and knocked him off his feet.

Kakashi landed neatly on his heeled feet, his eyes flicking toward her as he smirked and said, "Eyes forward, _Momo_."

Sakura snapped her attention back to the quickly recovering Asao in time to dodge one of his fists. However, a slight stumble—damn it, Kakashi was never going to let her forget that he fought better in heels—meant that she didn't dodge his second punch right to her face, and she tasted blood as her head rocked back. She heard Kakashi curse, and, feeling kind of embarrassed, she recovered quickly and caught Asao's still-extended arm, turning and flipping him over her shoulder. Adding a healthy amount of chakra-boosted strength, she slammed him into the floor.

There was a crackle of electricity from Kakashi's direction, which caused the few patrons and staff that hadn’t already fled to scream and start running for the exits. Sakura looked up in time to see him touch Jin with a lightning-engulfed hand and shock him into unconsciousness, looking for all the world like some kind of shimmery, bewigged, wrathful goddess. Asao gave a groan from beneath her as he lifted his head, and she dropped to one knee, another quick punch sending his head back to the floor. Knocked out, he went completely limp, and Sakura pulled herself back to her feet with a sigh.

"Took you long enough," she fired at Kakashi, hoping he wouldn't mention the part where she stumbled in her heels.

Instead, he gave her a coy look and said, "Why, did you miss me?"

Sakura blinked and flushed—she was definitely having a hard time keeping her footing this evening, and it wasn't just the heels. For lack of a response, she changed the subject, something which Kakashi seemed to find amusing. "Why did you use lightning to knock him out? You could have just done it the old-fashioned way."

Kakashi looked down at Jin's slightly singed body with the kind of look one reserves for a squished bug. "I was feeling dramatic."

Remembering the anger that had crossed Kakashi’s face before he’d pulled Jin’s hand away from her, Sakura suppressed a small smile. Crossing her arms, she took in the rest of the club—though they'd thankfully managed to keep the scuffle confined to the small area around the bar, that hadn't kept the patrons and staff from fleeing the second they saw lightning dancing on Kakashi’s fist. Since they were alone, Sakura tilted her head and gave Kakashi a questioning look. "So, what happened?"

Holding up a finger to tell her to wait, Kakashi bit his thumb and then slapped his palm to the ground. When Pakkun appeared, he gave an amused snort at Kakashi’s appearance, although he was all business as he said, "What's up, boss?"

"We need an ANBU unit to claim three missing nin," Kakashi told him. Sakura estimated that it wouldn’t take long for a detail to show up; it was known that they were on a mission here, and the tourist town that the club resided in was still in Fire Country, only a day’s run from Konoha. There would be a patrol nearby.

Pakkun barked his assent and then poofed out of existence. Kakashi stood, slumped back into his usual relaxed posture and, before she could ask him again, finally answered her question. "I got back into the restricted area. The owner has the entire backstage wired, particularly the dressing rooms and bathrooms—and I’m guessing none of the staff here know they’re being filmed.” As he spoke, Kakashi shoved his hand down the front of his dress and pulled out his bra inserts, throwing them to the ground in disgust.

“He’s been filming them while they change?” Sakura asked, scowling.

“He seems to be running some sort of cam site from it, and I'm guessing that's where all of the money is coming from. He’s a missing nin, too; he decided to attack me when he caught me in his camera room.” He smiled. “That didn’t work out very well for him.”

Sakura hummed to herself as she processed what she'd just heard. "So, he kept these guys around to protect his investment?" Prodding Jin with her toe, she snorted. "He should have hired better."

Kakashi replied with a distracted grunt, still shifting uncomfortably. He had the look of a man who had recently realized exactly why kunoichi usually fought in bindings instead of bras. She took pity on him. "If you want to go back to the hotel and change, I can stay here until ANBU comes. It shouldn't be long."

The look of grateful relief that spread over his face was unmistakable. "Thank you." He looked ready to spring off, but he paused, stepping close to her and raising his hand to her chin. Tilting her head up, he gingerly touched his thumb to the cut on her lower lip, given her an apologetic look as she hissed slightly.

"Make sure you heal this," he said quietly, eyes meeting hers, and Sakura didn't even realize she'd been holding her breath until the long moment was over and Kakashi was heading out the door.

Blinking her eyes away from the continually fascinating image of Kakashi's ass in that dress, Sakura exhaled, glad for the moment to be alone. The whole night had been so odd, she was no longer able to tell if it was just part of the strange energy of the mission, or if Kakashi had actually been… _flirting_ with her. And what if he was? Did it mean anything? If the way her pulse was still humming was anything to judge by, it certainly meant something to _her._ Suddenly, the prospect of going back to the hotel room where they would be alone seemed much more consequential. 

In the meantime, though, she had to wait until Pakkun brought backup to secure the two missing nin and their boss. Sakura righted a bar stool and slid back onto it, reaching out to grab her forgotten drink. She took an experimental sip, surprised to find it still cold, and settled in to wait for ANBU.


	4. Sequins In Their Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra thanks to my friendly neighborhood beta Nyxako for helping me write and rewrite this difficult chapter! You’re the best!

Sakura took a steadying breath as she paused outside the hotel room she’d been sharing with Kakashi. It had taken all of twenty minutes for the nearby ANBU patrol to come and take away the three missing nin from the club, and the trip back to the hotel hadn’t taken very long—certainly not long enough to process everything that had happened that night.

It wasn’t seeing Kakashi in drag that had her in such a tailspin. Sure, she’d gotten to see him in a dress, which was hilarious. But that wasn’t what was occupying her thoughts.

She and Kakashi had had undeniable chemistry. More than that—they’d _flirted_. But the question that Sakura couldn’t get out of her mind was, did Kakashi only flirt with her as part of his act as ‘Setsuko’? Or had he started to see her in a different light, just how she’d started to view him differently?

Steeling herself, Sakura turned the doorknob and pushed open the door, only to have it hit an object on the floor. Looking down, Sakura saw a large, red, sparkly heel lying on the ground, its mate strewn haphazardly beside it. Pushing the door completely open, Sakura’s eyes followed the trail of Kakashi’s discarded drag outfit as it led to the bathroom. She identified what could only be shreds of his pantyhose and grinned to herself, wondering if he’d used a kunai to cut himself out, or if he’d just sliced through them with his fake nails like some sort of sparkly beast.

The bathroom door was wide open, the mirror inside still coated with steam. Moving further into the room, Sakura reached out to swing the door shut, and with it out of the way she could finally see Kakashi.

He was lying on the bed with his feet on the floor, one arm thrown over his face, wearing the same low-slung black pants as earlier, his masked undershirt discarded next to him on the coverlet. Sakura probably would have found this curious if Kakashi hadn’t chosen that moment to sit up. Still wet from the shower, beads of water stood out on the lean muscles of his chest and abdomen. A drop of water slid down the cut of muscle by his hip, slowly sliding down beneath the waistband of his pants. She watched its fascinating journey, unable to stop herself. That feeling she’d had had all night—that feeling of undeniable attraction—returned in full force.

"Sakura!" Kakashi's tone was annoyed and brooked no insolence. Finally snapping her gaze up to his face, Sakura choked.

The makeup he’d been wearing, undeterred by the regular soap she assumed he’d used in the shower, had chosen to smear all over his face rather than actually come off in any way. His eyes were black, sparkly pits, and his mouth and the skin around it was stained bright red. Jerking a thumb toward his face, he growled, "How the fuck do you get this shit off?"

Maybe it was the fact that he looked like some sort of crazy raccoon clown, or maybe it was the fact that she'd heard more foul language from him during this mission than she had in the entire time she'd known him, but Sakura couldn’t stay composed. She collapsed into laughter, sagging back to lean against the vanity by the bed as she clapped her hands over her mouth. It didn't help—the unimpressed look he gave her just made his face even funnier, and she ended up covering her eyes instead, in an attempt to make herself stop laughing.

"At least you managed to get the lashes off," she managed after a moment, fighting off another round of laughter.

He stood and stepped forward in a way that might have been menacing if his face hadn't made him look like a geisha on a walk of shame. She bit her lip in a failed effort not to grin as he stared at her and repeated, "How. Do you get. This off."

Sakura finally took pity on him and pointed toward the chair in front of the vanity. "Sit down. I'll help you."

He slouched into the chair with a long-suffering sigh, and Sakura turned to face the vanity, grabbing her bottle of makeup remover and a bag of disposable cotton pads. Wetting one of the pads, she turned around and hopped up to sit on the vanity. When she waved him closer, he scooched the chair toward her until her feet were dangling on either side of his knees. Acutely aware of how close he was, Sakura ignored the fluttering in her stomach as she took his chin in her hand. She began to wipe at the black mess that surrounded one of his eyes, a wide smile still on her face.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying this so much,” he sulked, closing his eyes.

“Aww, don’t be in such a bad mood,” she cooed playfully. Wiping the mess from his eyelid, Sakura watched as his scar was slowly revealed, continuing in a faux pouty voice, “I miss Setsuko. She was much more cheerful than you.”

The eye that wasn’t being cleaned opened, peeking at her. “Too bad. She’s gone forever.”

Discarding the cotton pad she’d been using, Sakura grabbed a fresh one as she teased, “I don’t know, I bet she’s still in there somewhere.”

Kakashi’s lips twitched lightly, his eye shutting again as he mused, “What about Momo? You should bring her back out. She was saucy.” His tone implied that, by comparison, Sakura was _not_ saucy.

Sakura straightened, offended. “I can be saucy.”

Both of his eyes opened, and there was a mischievous glint in them. “Prove it.”

“I don’t have to prove anything to you!” Sakura aimed the toe of her shoe at his side and he laughed, catching it in his hand and keeping it away from his vulnerable ribs. Wanting to put him back on the defensive, she archly continued, "Besides, sometimes saucy is a bad thing. Look how over-the-top Setsuko was."

Kakashi let her foot fall back toward the vanity, but his fingertips lingered on her ankle, sending little electric bolts over her skin as they dropped to slowly slide her shoe off her foot. He had a knowing look in his eye as he let it drop to the floor. “You liked it.”

An embarrassed flush crept over Sakura's face. “Shut up.” Her mind was racing—she’d halfway expected their flirtation to end the second he’d shed his role as Setsuko, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Knowing she was probably turning pink as possibilities filled her head, she busied herself with switching to his other eye, having cleaned all of the makeup off of the first one.

Kakashi easily switched so that he was peering at her from the freshly-cleaned eye instead. There was a slightly wolfish quirk to his lips as he continued, "You liked it so much you let a low-rank ninja deck you like a rookie because you were too busy checking out my ass."

Putting Kakashi on the defensive had definitely not worked—and it was hard to focus when she could feel the warm, rough pads of his fingers tracing up the back of her ankle. Swallowing, she tried again. "Well, what about you?"

He lazily raised one silver brow. "What about me?"

Sakura wiped at the last of the sparkly black smear around his eye. "You sure seemed angry at that missing nin," she said suggestively, remembering the thunderous look he'd gotten when he'd seen Jin’s hand halfway up her skirt.

"I didn't like the look of him," Kakashi said casually, his expression unchanging, even as his fingertips crept higher. 

Sakura scoffed, as if her pulse wasn’t racing. "You didn't like him touching me," she corrected.

His palm was smoothing over her calf now, bold and unhurried. He held her gaze, his grey irises looking softer now without all of the makeup around them. "Maybe I didn't."

At his admission, a slow grin pulled at the corners of Sakura's mouth. Kakashi smirked at her expression, adding, "Don't look so smug. I'm still better at fighting in heels than you."

“Shut up!” she said again, kicking out with her other foot, which he caught as easily as he did the first one. An ankle in each hand, he tugged her toward the edge of the vanity in retaliation, and she had to part her legs a little more to make room for him. His fingers slid her second shoe off, letting it thump to the floor. She could smell him now: shampoo and soap and _man_.

“At least I don’t have lipstick all over my face,” she finally said in a voice that was embarrassingly breathy, and not challenging like she’d intended. Knowing from experience how bad makeup remover tasted, she grabbed her bottle of coconut oil instead. Taking a fresh cotton pad, she began to clean the red smears from around his mouth, all of her attention focused on the way his lips parted slightly to help her as she worked to remove the lipstick.

Kakashi actually stayed silent while she worked, and to Sakura the air around them felt heavy with anticipation. When she finished with the last cotton pad, she murmured to him to keep still while she took a face cloth off of the vanity and wiped the remaining oil and lipstick from his skin. She smiled at him when she was done, and he smiled back.

“Speaking of my heeled fighting prowess, you can add that to the list of things that you will never tell anyone about this mission,” he said in a casually pleasant voice, like his hands hadn’t found their way to the tops of her thighs.

“I don’t know,” Sakura began in a playfully doubtful voice, trying to keep her breathing steady, “I couldn’t keep something like that from my Hokage.”

Reaching up, he curled his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her down toward him, his voice low as he said, “I was planning on convincing you to keep it to yourself.”

At the feel of his lips against hers, Sakura’s eyes fluttered shut and she melted into him. The tension that had been building between them was finally set loose, and she was eager to give into it, but Kakashi was as unhurried as ever. The soft brush of his fingertips across the nape of her neck sent tingles down her spine and she parted her lips, letting him angle her head to deepen the kiss. The slightest touch of his tongue against hers was enough to make her pulse rush in her ears, and she held back a whimper. 

Kakashi slowly broke the kiss, lingering as he looked at her with heavily-lidded eyes. “Are you convinced yet?” he asked in that same low voice, that was just a bit rougher than before.

“Not even close,” Sakura breathed, lying through her teeth.

Both his hands moved to her hips and he abruptly pulled her off the vanity and into his lap. She felt his arm curl around her waist as he pulled her against him, and she shivered as his warm breath curled against her ear.

“I was hoping you would say that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This amazing artwork of Kakashi with smudged lipstick is from the wonderful [aliikatt](http://aliikatt.tumblr.com/)! Go visit her tumblr and give her some love!


	5. The Reaction Will Be Passionate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lovely meliss-cake has created some beautiful art for this story! Please go and follow her tumblr [here](http://meliss-cake.tumblr.com/)!

“I was hoping you would say that.”

The words were barely out of Kakashi’s mouth before it was pressed to hers again. Sakura lost herself to his kiss: the slide of his lips against hers, the stroke of his tongue—the way he’d pull back enough to make her lean toward him for more, his lips quirking in satisfaction, before he took her mouth again. She was still in his lap, her legs bracketing his hips with the thigh-length skirt of her dress hitched up almost to her hips.

When they both broke the kiss to breathe, Sakura couldn’t help but take him in: mussed silver hair, parted lips, hooded eyes filled with fire. She traced her fingers over his chest, letting her eyes drift lower over the ripples of his abdomen to follow the trail of sparse silver hair into his pants.

Kakashi dipped his head to press a kiss to the top of her shoulder, his fingertips trailing up to slide the thin strap of her dress down her arm. His voice was low when he spoke. "How long have you been looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" Sakura asked in what she hoped was a casual tone. Kakashi was obviously unimpressed, as he responded by playfully nipping at her neck, which made her squeak.

“Like you’re picturing me naked.” The look that he fixed her with was filled with equal parts amusement and heat—but the heat seemed to be winning as he leaned into her again, trailing his lips over her jawline. Sakura shivered when his breath curled against the delicate shell of her ear, and she could feel his lips pull into a smile. His voice was a tantalizing, dark whisper as he continued, “Like you want me to fuck you.”

Sakura released a slow, shuddering breath as she answered, “For way too long.”

Kakashi didn’t need any further encouragement, and he slanted his mouth over hers, his kiss a little more urgent than before. The hand at her hip pulled her against him, and when she pressed her hips into his she could feel him hardening beneath her. The feeling made her whimper against his mouth, and he broke the kiss to drop his mouth to her neck again, leaving her lightly panting into the stillness of the hotel room.

His other hand had moved from her shoulder to splay over her back, drinking in the bare skin provided by the backless skater dress she wore. Sakura was only distantly aware of the pull of his fingers on her zipper as her own hungry hands traced over his chest, mapping every scar and ridge of muscle in their path. The brush of her thumb over his nipple earned her a rumble from the back of his throat, and when she rubbed it more deliberately, he responded with a soft bite to her neck that sent electric tingles of pleasure through her. 

When Sakura responded by slowly grinding her hips into him again, his hands flew to grip her thighs and then slip beneath her skirt, having apparently grown tired of it being in his way. As he pushed her dress higher he pulled away from her neck, letting her lift her arms so he could pull it over her head, leaving her in only a pair of simple black panties since she'd foregone a bra.

Releasing the dress to pool on the floor behind her, Kakashi let his hands travel back down her sides to her hips, a certain feral gleam in his eyes as he drank in the sight of her naked on his lap.

The way he looked at her made her bold, and she dropped her hands to where his rested on her hips. Taking his hands in hers, she slid them up from her hips, over her sides and her ribs, to cup her breasts. She had the time to watch his eyes darken with desire before he leaned in, murmuring "so fucking sexy" before he once more caught her mouth with his.

The way his nimble fingers found her nipples and rolled them between the rough pads of his thumb and forefinger made her gasp against his lips, and it didn't take long for him to lower his head so he could replace one of his hands with his mouth. The hot slickness of his tongue against her already electrified skin left her panting and grinding herself more desperately against him.

Kakashi's recently freed hand slid up her thigh, his thumb stroking down over the edge of her panties. Sakura's hands flew up to his head as his tongue rolled over her hardened nipple, her voice breathless as she moaned, "Kakashi-sensei..."

"Sakura," Kakashi murmured against her nipple, "Don't call me sensei right now." The very tip of his thumb crept under the elastic leg of her panties.

"Or what?" Sakura countered breathlessly, her eyes meeting his. She gasped softly as he slid his thumb further under her panties and brushed it very deliberately over her already slick folds.

“Or I won’t let you come,” he purred, his voice so deep she felt it in her chest. The sound of it made desire pool low in her belly; she’d fantasized about him saying things like this to her in that incredibly sexy voice, but the reality was proving even better than her imagination.

The brush of his rough fingertips against her clit made her whimper, her voice higher as she said, "Kakashi..."

His control seemed to be slipping as he breathed, “God, you’re so wet,” his thumb stretching her underwear out of the way as his other fingertips found her folds. The sound that she made as he slid a finger into her wet warmth made him grind out a single ‘fuck’ beneath his breath as he dropped his head to the nipple he’d neglected earlier, sucking it into his mouth.

The dual sensations left her desperate for him, and she gripped his shoulders as he swirled his tongue around her nipple. The long finger slowly stroking inside her was soon joined by a second, her breath coming faster as she heard the sounds of her own wetness. She couldn’t remember ever being this aroused; she felt dizzy with it.

Kakashi nuzzled his way up from her breast as she panted, his teeth grazing her collarbone as his fingers expertly teased her. But it wasn’t just his skill that turned her on so much—it was the fact that this was Kakashi doing this to her, taking her to these heights, after all the time she’d spent thinking about him.

As if reading her mind, Kakashi asked, "Have you thought about me touching you like this, Sakura?" His voice still held the slight amusement of before, but it was darker now, and filled with need—did he know what his voice did to her?

"Yes," she said in a voice that was almost a whine, her hips moving against his hand of their own volition. "Kakashi, I want..."

"Tell me," he demanded, his hand moving faster against her fevered flesh.

"Oh god," she whined as a stronger bolt of pleasure went through her and her muscles tensed, heralding her quickly-approaching orgasm. "God, Kakashi, fuck me, _please_..."

He leaned up, his teeth finding her earlobe before he roughly whispered, "Are you going to be a good girl and come for me first?"

Hearing him say _that_ in his deep, frayed-around-the-edges voice threw Sakura over the edge, and she cried out, her fingers digging into his shoulders as her orgasm ripped through her. His talented fingers followed her body as she shuddered, his free arm curling around her waist to hold her steady as he drew her pleasure out as long as he could, until she was trembling against him and panting into his shoulder.

Lightly stroking her over-sensitized flesh, Kakashi placed lingering kisses along her shoulder, letting her recover as the fingers of his other hand carded through her hair. When he quietly asked her if she was alright, she nodded enthusiastically against his shoulder.

Laughing softly, he slid his arms around her, his hands moving to support her ass as he stood, picking her up as he straightened from the chair. Sakura curled her arms around his shoulders, nuzzling into his neck as he turned them and approached the bed. When he reached it, he let her slide down until her knees hit the mattress, her hand darting out to catch his waistband and pull him impatiently toward her.

"I take it that means you still want me to fuck you?" Kakashi said with a teasing smile, those damn charming creases appearing at the corners of his eyes.

“You’re so smug,” Sakura complained with a pout, even as her fingers went to work on unfastening his pants.

“You like it,” he replied with a crinkle-eyed smirk—which disappeared when her hand found his cock, his lips going slack with the sensation of her soft hand against his skin. Sakura gave him a smirk of her own as she curled her fingers around him, feeling proud that she was able to turn the tables.

Her free hand tugged his pants lower, and without giving him time to compose himself, Sakura bent forward and let her lips brush against the swollen head of his erection. Hearing his sharp inhale, she smiled to herself and let her fingers trail down the shaft as she took the head into her mouth. She heard him bite out "fuck" again, his hands dropping to rest on her hair as she sucked softly. The bitter-salt taste of his precum combined with the taste of clean skin, and Sakura was in the middle of angling her head to lick down his shaft when his hands tightened slightly on her head, stopping her.

Straightening, Sakura was about to ask why he stopped her when he bent and, grabbing her thighs, abruptly pulled her legs out from beneath her. She landed on her back on the mattress, only a surprised "oh!" escaping her mouth.

If he'd looked like a wrathful goddess earlier in the club, he looked like a lustful _god_ now—all lean muscle and dark, smoldering eyes as he stared down at her, hard cock standing out from his open pants. Sakura moistened her lips as he leaned forward, pulling her panties down her legs until she pulled her feet out of them.

His eyes never left hers as he straightened long enough to kick off his pants before climbing onto the bed. He slid a knee between her thighs and she parted her legs for him, her hands smoothing up his tensed arms as he brought his other leg between both of hers. Obviously over holding back, he gripped her hips and pulled her towards him, watching as she snaked a hand between them and grabbed his cock, rubbing its head against her soaking entrance.

Sakura guided him into her, whispering his name, and he dropped his head as he slowly pushed his whole length into her. The stretching sensation of him sliding into her, slick and hard, made her moan, and he answered her with a low groan of his own. Slowly, teasingly, he began to fuck her, leaning down to capture her lips with his own.

They moved slowly against each other at first, learning the feel of each other's body. Her hands slid down over his back, tightening as he reached between them and found her clit. As her breathing got faster, so did the deep strokes of his cock, his mouth dominating hers as their movements grew more intense.

Sakura's hands moved back up his back and shoulders and into his hair, lightly pulling as he looped his arms under her legs and spread her wider, driving into her at a new angle that made her gasp. As she tightened around him, he groaned against her lips, dropping his head and biting her again, this time on her shoulder.

The slight pain sent a bolt of desire through her, and when she tugged at his hair and moaned "more", he growled and snapped his hips into her harder, fiercely fastening his mouth to her shoulder in a way that would no doubt leave a mark. He fucked her ruthlessly, and she cried out his name as he drove her higher and higher, until she was shaking with pleasure and ready to explode.

“Are you going to come for me again, Sakura?” he teased with a particularly hard thrust, his rough voice a testament to how close he was to his own orgasm.

“Yes," she cried, desperate for release.

“Do you want me to come inside you?” His voice was even rougher now, breathless with want.

“Fuck— _yes_ —” Sakura panted, and when he gave another hard thrust she was gone, her whole body going rigid as her second orgasm rocked through her. Trembling and spasming, she clenched around him, and he growled her name and raggedly thrust into her as he began to come. The pulse of his cock inside her propelled her climax until she was gasping and whimpering beneath him. They both panted as he held himself off of her with suddenly shaky arms, and she pulled his head down so she could brush her lips against his.

Gingerly pulling himself out of her, Kakashi moved to lay beside her, pulling her against his body. They both lay there as they caught their respective breaths, both of their bodies covered with a light sheen of sweat.

As her body began to cool off, Sakura curled against him and tangled her legs with his, and then started giggling. "Your legs are so smooth."

Kakashi gave a little huff and replied, "You told me to shave them."

"I didn't think you'd actually do it," Sakura responded with a certain brand of tired glee. He tweaked her side in response, and she laughed and squirmed away. The movement made her suddenly aware of the wetness that was slowly seeping down her thigh. "I'm kind of a mess."

Kakashi sat up in the bed and leaned to reach for his towel that he'd discarded after his shower. He handed it to her, quietly watching as she scooted toward the edge of the bed.

Her back to him, Sakura slowly wiped herself off with the towel and made the executive decision that she wasn't going to think about what this all meant. Not right now. Right now, she just wanted to enjoy this—whatever “this” was.

Instead, she spoke in a light voice. "I'm going to go take a shower." After a brief pause, she added, "You can join me if you want."

There was a moment of silence, during which Sakura began to regret saying anything, and then the bed shifted behind her as Kakashi moved closer.

“Good,” came his answer as the slightly coarse pads of his fingers trailed down her spine, making Sakura shiver and arch her back. When he spoke again, his voice was close to her ear, and soft like velvet.

“I’m not done with you yet.”


	6. And They'll Never Catch Wise

Sakura let out a breath of relief as she and Kakashi neared the gates of Konoha, running at the same hurried clip that they’d been traveling at since they’d left the hotel that morning. Chancing a quick look at Kakashi, she got an eyeful of his ass he ran in front of her, and her face heated up as her mind replayed scenes from the night before.

They’d been up almost the whole night, making use of practically every surface in the hotel room. Once he’d decided to stop holding back, Kakashi had been insatiable, and Sakura had lost track of the number of times he’d brought her to the brink of orgasm only to throw her headlong over the edge. It had been nearly dawn when they’d both finally collapsed on one of the beds, bodies tangled together.

In the morning, however, things had been… different. More accurately, they’d gone back to normal, as if the night before had never happened. Kakashi had woken Sakura up later than they’d originally planned, telling her that they needed to move quickly if they were going to get back to Konoha at their designated time. In order to keep to their schedule, they’d had to maintain a fast pace all the way home, which made conversation impossible.

It didn’t, however, stop Sakura from thinking—and she did plenty of that. She’d had _sex_ with _Kakashi._ What did it mean? Did it even men anything? From what little interaction they’d had since then, he’d seemed to be back to his friendly yet slightly aloof self. Had he really only had sex with her to convince her not to tell Naruto about his experience as a drag queen? She’d assumed that was just an excuse, but his behavior was making her reconsider. Was it really that easy for him to return to normal?  


It wasn’t easy for Sakura. In fact, there was a dull ache in her chest when she thought about their interactions becoming platonic again. _Maybe he’s just really awkward with this kind of stuff_ , a hopeful part of her mind suggested. But it was hard to believe that; this was Kakashi, after all, a noted genius. He was good at everything he put his mind to.

_He also reads porn in public and hides behind a mask all the time. He’s not exactly great at social interaction_ , that same inner voice pointed out, and Sakura sighed in frustration. Her thoughts had been like this all day—going from remembering the night before, to thinking about whether their dalliance would continue, to thinking Kakashi didn’t want anything more than one night, to thinking that maybe there was a possibility he _did_. And then she would look at him and remember what he’d looked like in the throes of passion, and the whole cycle would start over again. It was exhausting.

Kakashi and Sakura both slowed their pace as they approached the check-in station at the gates. Izumo and Kotetsu greeted them both from inside their booth, and Kakashi offered a greeting in return as he went to sign them in. Sakura just smiled, knowing she was being pensive but unable to stop her circular thoughts. Letting her gaze wander, she fell back into the same mental trap of trying to understand just exactly what motivated Hatake Kakashi.

“Sakura.”

She blinked as Kakashi’s voice interrupted her mental carousel, looking up from the random spot on the ground that she’d been staring at. Kakashi was watching her closely, his expression unreadable.

“The Hokage left note that he wants to see us immediately,” Kakashi continued, holding up the scroll that Naruto had sent.

They exchanged a look. They both knew why Naruto wanted to see them—he wanted details about the mission. The salacious kind. Something told Sakura that he wasn’t going to be happy when he didn’t receive them.

“Well, I guess we should go get this over with,” Sakura said with a sigh, and they both said their goodbyes to Izumo and Kotetsu and darted off in the direction of the Hokage Tower.

When they arrived at Naruto’s office, the doors were already open. A veritable herd of shinobi aids stood inside, and the din was considerable. Shikamaru stood to one side, deep in conversation with one of the aids, while several more stood in front of Naruto.

The second Naruto saw them, he clapped his hands with barely-restrained glee. "Alright! We can deal with this later. Right now, I want everyone but you two to leave," he said, pointing at Kakashi and Sakura. "You can stay, too," he added offhandedly to Shikamaru.

As the various aids filed out with the sound of pattering sandals and shuffling papers, Kakashi and Sakura took their places in front of Naruto's desk, standing at attention. Shikamaru slouched into a chair behind a smaller desk to the side, returning to some paperwork and apparently uninterested in the conversation that was about to happen.

Naruto informally leaned against the front of his desk, grinning at them. "I'm ready to hear your report."

"The mission was a success," Kakashi began. "The client was right—the owner was up to illegal activity in the club." Kakashi went on to explain how the owner had been filming the staff in various stages of undress backstage and running a cam site with the results. "In addition to two low-rank missing nin that were hired to protect the establishment, the owner himself was also a missing nin. All three are in ANBU custody now."

Naruto seemed interested in the explanation at first, but as Kakashi continued, he began to fidget, that bright grin still on his face. "That's great and all—good job, really—but I don't care about that! Tell me about Kakashi in drag!" he nearly shouted, looking expectantly at Sakura.

Sakura didn't answer, and Naruto impatiently turned back to Kakashi, his grin faltering slightly before returning full force as he asked, "What did you wear? Did you have to put on a little show?"

"It was a standard mission that ended successfully," Kakashi responded blandly, his gaze focused somewhere above Naruto's head.

"Bullshit!" Naruto exclaimed. "Sakura-chan, tell me what happened!"

Sakura remained silent, pressing her lips together and fighting the urge to squirm under Naruto's increasingly fierce blue gaze. Shikamaru, meanwhile, had abandoned his paperwork and was watching the exchange with new interest.

Naruto threw his hands up in exasperation. "What the hell, Sakura-chan! We had a deal!" Upon hearing this, Kakashi turned to look at her beadily, one brow raised.

Sakura’s jaw tightened, and she cleared her throat before finally speaking. “I’m afraid I can’t remember any details, Hokage-sama. It all seems to have slipped my mind.”

Eyes wide with disbelief, Naruto looked from Sakura to Kakashi, who gave him a benevolent smile that made creases appear at the corners of his eyes. Naruto flailed slightly as his index finger stabbed the air in Kakashi's general direction. "What the hell did you do? _What happened?!_ "

Kakashi's voice was mild as he replied, "I can assure you that everything I did on this mission, I did with great skill and vigor."

Sakura abruptly choked on nothing, coughing as her brain supplied several indecent examples of Kakashi’s skill and vigor. She felt him lightly pat her back and restrained herself from the urge to throttle him, not having to look at him to know he was enjoying this.

She composed herself in time to see Naruto draw himself up to his full height as he frowned at her. "I am your Hokage. I demand an explanation."

Kakashi leaned toward Sakura and loudly whispered, "Don't listen to him. Rise up against your oppressor."

Naruto's jaw dropped, blue eyes wide. "You can't do that. That's—”

"Sedition, Hokage-sama," Shikamaru supplied, finally piping up. Sakura and Kakashi both turned to stare at him, and he shrugged lazily, looking amused. "What? You're over there fomenting rebellion." Kakashi hummed thoughtfully, as if to concede that he had a point.

"Fine!" Naruto barked as he glared at Sakura. "You don't want to tell me? Then I'm telling him that this was all your idea!"

There was a beat before Kakashi turned to look at her with narrowed eyes. “Interesting,” he said in a deceptively calm voice.

She cursed inwardly, trying to avoid both of their gazes and instead looking at Shikamaru, who gave her a “you’re on your own” shrug. Great. Naruto was pissed at her, and she definitely didn't trust that gleam in Kakashi's eye. Meekly, she asked, "Is there anything else, Hokage-sama?"

"Don't you give me that 'Hokage-sama' crap," Naruto said sulkily, obviously unimpressed with her obsequiousness. "I'm going to find out what happened, and what he did to get you to keep quiet about it!"

There was a moment of pregnant silence, where Sakura stood staring at the floor while Kakashi kept smiling that bland smile. Naruto finally pouted and said, "You both suck." Sighing in resignation as he realized that neither of them was going to break, he added, "You can go. But this isn't over."

As Sakura and Kakashi made their hasty exit, she carefully avoided catching his eye. When they were outside the building again, she awkwardly waved and said, "Well, I guess that's it! I'll see you later!" and began to beeline down the street in the general direction of her apartment. Between Naruto’s little admission and the awkwardness between them since they’d had sex, Sakura was ready to go home and hide for a while.

She had foolishly begun to hope that she'd been successful in her escape when she passed an alley and an iron grip closed around her upper arm, yanking her between two buildings. Kakashi, whom she assumed had flashstepped ahead of her, slowly walked her backward until she was pressed against the building behind her. He put a hand on either side of her head, effectively bracketing her in, and fixed her with an expectant look.

"Oh, hi again!" Sakura said with false cheerfulness. "What's up?"

Kakashi's eyes narrowed slightly but he didn't answer, letting her squirm.

"Oh... you're probably wondering about that thing Naruto said about the mission being my idea." She gave a laugh that was completely unbelievable. "I don't know what he's talking about, really."

Kakashi waited, gaze unwavering.

"Well... I mean... it was Naruto's idea to pick you for the mission. But I guess he just wanted you to be backup? And I might have… suggestedyoubeadragqueeninstead?" she finished in a single breath, her voice raising until it disappeared in a squeak.

There was a long moment of silence, and then he exhaled slowly through his nose before finally speaking. “You owe me now. You do realize that?” There was a faintly amused glint in his eye now, along with something that Sakura hoped was desire. Her heart began to flutter in her chest.

“What do I owe you?” she asked, keeping her hands by her side even though they were itching to touch him.

He looked up as he pretended to consider, and then he fixed her with that piercing grey stare again. “You’re going to have me over later.”

The slight uncertainty in his voice made her smile, and she tipped her head to the side. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

“Yes,” he answered, his mask stretching across his smile. Straightening, he cleared his throat as he stretched casually. “Well, I’m off. I’m going to take a nap. I plan to be up late tonight,” he added, and his eyes definitely held heat now as he fixed her with one last look.

“Oh,” Sakura replied stupidly, feeling her face heat up from the way he was looking at her. Inside, her heart was singing.

“See you later, Sakura,” Kakashi said, his voice having returned to his usual aloof tone, and he waved before disappearing in a flurry of leaves.

Sakura stood still for a long moment as a wide, stupid grin spread over her face, pressing her hands to her mouth. It wasn’t like he’d made a declaration of love or anything—not that _that_ was even what she was looking for—but he’d shown a clear interest in her beyond the previous evening’s activities. And she was definitely interested in continuing… whatever it was they were doing.

Biting her lip to stifle an unacceptably girlish squeal, she hurried off in the direction of her apartment. She had a house to clean, a shower to take… and lingerie to pick out.

\- _Omake_ -

“You know what this means.”

Naruto’s voice rang through the all-too-rare silence that had previously filled his office, and Shikamaru sighed. He’d been expecting this.

“We can’t let this stand. I’m Hokage! That’s supposed to mean something!” Naruto’s voice was starting to take on a whiney quality that made Shikamaru have flashbacks to when they were twelve. “I want to know what happened!”

“There’s not a lot we can do,” Shikamaru countered. “Sakura doesn’t seem like she’s going to crack, and you know Kakashi will never tell you anything.”

That seemed to momentarily stump Naruto, who lapsed into silence, his face screwed up in thought. Shikamaru was about to return to his paperwork when Naruto suddenly exclaimed, “Hey! What if we just send them on another one?”

"Another what?"

"Another drag mission! We'll send them on another one and this time I'll send someone else..." Naruto trailed off, and then brightened and added, "And they can film it! I'll get Sai to do it!”

“Do you know how unlikely it is that we’ll get another mission that takes place in a drag club?” Shikamaru asked, exasperated.

Naruto waved his hand dismissively. “If you have to, find someone and offer our services for free. This is of the highest priority.”

Shikamaru fought the urge to clap his hand to his face. “You know we’re currently just one wrong move away from a trade war with Iwa, right? We kind of have bigger fish to fry right now.”

Naruto scowled. “Just do it!”

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Shikamaru relented. “Yes, Hokage-sama.”

“We’re going to have to make sure Sai has good equipment, I need to see _everything_ ,” Naruto was muttering to himself as he walked back behind his desk.

The idea was a stupid one, Shikamaru knew that. Still, Naruto was a good leader who deserved to have some fun occasionally, even if he was a giant pain in the ass. Standing, Shikamaru prepared to walk to the records office so that he could research the drag clubs of the shinobi world. There wouldn’t be a lot of information and ferreting it all out would probably take hours.

It was going to be a real drag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a wrap! Thank you so much to everyone that supported this ridiculous little story, your reviews really kept me going where I might have otherwise decided this story was too silly to continue. 
> 
> Also, as the ending would suggest, I’m not done with Kakashi in drag. My current plans are to start putting out a sequel in December, as I have another project to work on in November. See you then!


End file.
